2 weeks ago, Snowylady was just talking about bridal gowns with her married female colleagues. Though they differed on whether they'd want to re-live the experience again, they all agreed that wearing the gown was like an ultimate fantasy come true.
Perhaps ... it's time ... for me ... to take her out ... to try new wedding gowns ... huh?
But I really don't want our 3-year old Snowy lass to start getting too much ideas into her head. I'm not sure if she's aware that her mummy's wedding gown was bought for keeps. The last time we took it out was to give some ideas to her brother's fiance for their wedding.
It's an interesting article, and I'll make a copy of it here.
GOT GROOM?
GOT WEDDING DATE?
GOT BRIDAL GOWN?
They have no Mr Right in sight, but this doesn't stop wannabe S'pore brides from spending lunch hours & weekends shopping for wedding dresses
By Caravan Miriah
September 11, 2006
IS IT the Singapore single's day dream?
Humming the Wedding March in her head. Watching reruns of the movie, The Wedding Planner.
Picturing the big day.
But others are taking it one step further by shopping around for the perfect wedding dress - even though there is no wedding or groom in sight.
Sattine Bridal Couture, a 2-year-old bridal boutique along Tanjong Pagar Road, has seen its fair share of wannabe brides in their mid-20s and early 30s.
Its chief designer Danny Lim, 26, told The New Paper on Sunday: 'I know they are not getting married any time soon because they don't have a wedding date when I ask them.
'While brides-to-be usually show up with their boyfriends or parents, these girls drop by the shop with their single girlfriends. They blush when they say they're still looking for Mr Right.'
FANTASY
Once in the shop, they pick their gowns and try them on, Mr Lim said. 'They want to know not just how they look, but how special it feels to wear one. Half of their fantasy is fulfilled when they put on the gown. I can see their faces light up.'
An owner of a 6-month-old high-fashion bridal boutique along Beach Road, who does not want to be named, observed that these girls usually window-shopped during lunch hours. 'They'll try on three to four wedding gowns - the toga, off-shoulder and bare-back designs. This is the closest they get to high fashion. After all, how often does an office girl get to doll up in glamorous outfits, right?'
If the woman is the sort who believes in the happy-ever-after, the more susceptible she'll be to the satin-and-lace temptation.
In the US, women make a beeline every year for Filene's Basement bridal gown sale across the country. (See picture above right.)
There, more than 1,000 gowns from various designers go for about US$249 ($390) each.
Two hours before the store opens at 8am, hundreds of women - singles included - are waiting anxiously to make a dash.
In less than 60 seconds, the shelves will be stripped bare, reported WeddingBasics.com.
A designer bridal basement sale has yet to happen here, but wannabe brides are already making their rounds at bridal shops along Tangjong Pagar Road, observes fashion stylist Zephron Chong, 29, who works for Vanity bridal shop.
He said: 'You see them going from one boutique to another to try on gowns during lunch time and over the weekends. Every few months, I see some familiar faces.
'Each time I ask them if they need other services like makeup, styling or photography, they just say they are looking around, and there isn't a man or wedding date at all.'
Some even show up at bridal shows - without a man, of course.
A spokesman for a high-end bridal boutique along Beach Road said: 'I organise about eight bridal shows a year for couples who pay between $15 to $30 per show.
'At each show, I see small groups of single women. Among them are faces who have visited my bridal boutique to try on gowns. We ask them if they need help for the big day.
But they say there isn't any date.'
The fashion shows allow them to stay abreast of the latest bridal collections, said Mr Ted Wu, 35, who has also seen these dream-chasers at his shop, Ted Wu Boutique, at Tras Street.
Out of 500 guests who pay between $18 to $35 for a bridal show, about 30 to 40 are single girls, said the creative director for a bridal boutique on Orchard Road.
She said: 'I had a customer in her 20s, who walked into the shop with a scrapbook of our ads in Her World Brides magazine from many years ago.
'She confessed that she'd been collecting them way before she had a boyfriend.
'She wanted me to custom-make a particular gown which appeared in an ad four years ago for her upcoming wedding. She had been eyeing it for a long time.'
Wedding shows are opportunities for these wannabe brides to do their homework.
They can find out the best wedding packages, added Ms Annah Teo, 38, owner of Allure Charix at Amoy Street.
She explained: 'It's also a perfect day out for them. They can round up a few single gal pals, enjoy an afternoon tea, and discuss which dress suits them.'
While most browse or try on gowns, some even buy.
Ms Teo revealed: 'These girls know what they want because they read the latest bridal magazines.
So old-fashioned designs like pink multi-tier bridal dresses are out.
'The popular ones include the strapless and princess-cut designs, which are easy to maintain.
''The women fork out at least $499 for a wedding gown. Some told me that they bought the dress because they wanted to wear them for a makeover.'
Now hang on, if Chinese superstitions dictate that it's bad luck to try a wedding gown when you are not getting married (if you do, you'll never tie the knot, warned the old wives), isn't it worse to own one?
UNLUCKY
One wannabe bride, Celine (who doesn't want to be fully identified), told The New Paper on Sunday: 'I won't dare tell my mum that I've tried on a few gowns. I hide the bridal magazines in my cupboard. If she finds out, all hell will break loose.
'For her, wearing a wedding gown is suay (unlucky). She also discourages me from being a bridesmaid more than once because she fears I will never get married.
'But I am not superstitious. I try on the gowns for fun,' said Celine.
Most of the time, bridal boutiques are understanding.
Mr Wu said: 'Once, a woman in her 30s wanted to borrow and wear one of my gowns for a photoshoot. She told me that she might never get married because she hadn't met the right man. Her wish was to take a picture of herself in a wedding gown for keepsake.
'So I lent it to her,' he said.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'It's like starring in their own romantic movies'
WHAT propels a single woman to go after a wedding gown when there is no man in her life?
To Ms Annah Teo of Allure Charix, 'the girls are just buying a dream until Prince Charming comes along and sweeps them off their feet.'
Dr Adrian Wang, a consultant psychiatrist at Gleneagles Medical Centre, said: 'These women may have grown up on a diet of fairy tales. It is a dream come true for them to get married.
'The wedding is probably the biggest event of their lives.'
They could be lonely and it's one way to keep busy. In their heads, they already have an idea of how they want everything to turn out.
NO HARM
'Planning a wedding is close to starring in their own romantic movie for these women,' Dr Wang added.
--AFP
'There is no harm building sand castles in the air - so long as these are done in moderation.
'It's worrying only when you make a career out of it. That means you devote your free time organising your wedding and taking time off from work to visit bridal shops. Then, it's time for a reality check.'
He warned that having such fixed ideas of a wedding may set a woman up for disappointment.
'If it doesn't turn out the way you want it to, you may feel like a failure.
'As much as couples fuss over their wedding day, they should also realise that it's the marriage that counts. Not the dress.'
I sorry, but the sentiment I get after reading this is just sadness. Poor, poor Singapore woman.
ReplyDeleteYes, I agree. There's more to life wanting to get married. The article reveals the psychology of woman - one which I feel has been too much emphasised by society.
ReplyDeleteTrying new gowns for fashion's sake is okay - ladies like to look pretty. But gowns for single ladies... hmm.. anyways, why try them now? Fashion changes so fast. By the time one is ready to walk down the aisles, there'll be more updated and lovely gowns.
Hey Snowy, thanks for sharing. Let me see, I am 43 this year, got married when I was 28, that is exactly 15 years ago.. its no wonder I have been having these thoughts of taking a family portrait, and me in a nice beautiful wedding gown. Nothing really, just wanted to see myself look pretty and young again.. :P
ReplyDeleteHave on and off thoughts about it, but never got down to do it. :-(
It's not just Singaporean women behaving like that, Liang.
ReplyDeleteAnd not all of them are necessarily to be pitied.
Some career women today knew too well what they want - it's just like designing the ideal home fit for a family according to their ideals. The husband part ... chauvinist might find it hard to believe, but the husband part is really optional. In fact, husbands can be a real nuisance in the fantasy these women were creating (and backing financially).
Ah... yes... precisely why I don't and won't subscribe to the Singapore ideal.
ReplyDeleteYou're pretty and young already lah! It's not how old you are biologically, it's how old you are in your heart :)
ReplyDeleteGo ahead and do it! I can see your hubby quite teng2 you; I think he would love seeing you in a wedding gown again to relive those exciting moments! :D
From my observation of women ... they try out almost everything ... jewelries, maternity attire (without being pregnant) ... just for the experience and the variety.
ReplyDeleteIn fact, the fact that fashion changes just give them more variety to try out different things.
Some want to take notes of how certain design features would look on themselves, but others just want to experience of wearing many many different gowns.
Example, you might know your mother would kill you if you try wear that backless right down to *there* wedding gown into the church, so you can only wear it in the shop while it's available off-the-rack for fitting. For your actual wedding, there'd be the chastefully done A-skirt and halter neck ... ha ha.
I do observe that many Malaysian Chinese are more traditional and conservative than Singaporean Chinese. Not many Singaporean Chinese females would fit readily into Malaysian families. Been to a couple of cross-straits weddings and noted the subtle stresses during the supposed happy occassion.
ReplyDeleteYup. It's not so much the traditions and conservativeness, but the Malaysian girl's ideals and aspirations are different too. Their outlook in life also differs. They see different things as important, and have different attitudes and aims.
ReplyDeleteHeh, it took Snowylady nearly 2 years to get back to pre-pregnancy clothes ... and then she got pregnant again. Been encouraging her that it's possible and we'll get there ... together.
ReplyDeleteWhich means I got fulfil my part and be able to fit back into my waist 30' pants too. No small challenge, but I tell her we can do it.
Our target - our 10th anniversary.
Yes It is possible, and it is easier (and more fun too), if you two do it together..
ReplyDelete:-) wish u success, then remember to post us some nice pics of you and wife in wedding attire? :P
Thank God I made the decision not to marry earlier on. Can you imagine if this is the hassle I'm pressured by family and society to go through? Me, the no-fuss, no-frills girl? *shudders*
ReplyDeleteWhether it is a hassle would really depend on whether you enjoy doing it, or want to do it.
ReplyDeleteTake a leaf from Mark Twain's story on Tom Sawyer's painting a fence.
Looking at your tech set-up, how could anyone think of you as a no-fuss and no-frills girl?
BTW, what's this thing that you keep talking about being pressured by society?
Ease up. "Society" can only pressure you if you want to live up to "Society's" expectations.
Snowybeagle - who never even knew societal expectations existed ...
Huh? My tech set-up??
ReplyDeleteAs for societal pressure and expectations, what else is there for one who is the eldest grandchild on one side of the family and the 3rd eldest on the other? As in, you know, 'when are the grandkids coming?', albeit rather more subtly in this day and age.
Also, I'm bi; not likely I'd get married, if anything.
Mok, who never knew her tech set-up was fancy...
Ha! Snowybeagle is oldest child of his parents and oldest grandchild from one side of the family, and a guy to boot.
ReplyDeleteAnd just because I see you as a buddy, I'll share with you a tip on how I handled "it" - be more blur than sotong, be oblivious, develop a reputation for being absent-minded and forgetful or highly selective memory, and thicker skin than a rhino's.
Should I point out that being a Christian, a really devoted follower of Christ, requires the greatest expression of counter-culture of all - hate the world, turn the other cheek, render unto Caesar what belongs to Caesar and to God what belongs to God, deny himself and take up his cross ... *daily* ...
I'm glad you view me as such. ;)
ReplyDeleteWell yes, it's not as if my palm hasn't itched to slap some kay pohs before, but I rein it in by reminding myself that it gets me nowhere and will only mar the name of Christ. So I just grin idiotically and return to whatever I'm doing, best still, once I really had the urge to snap: 'I'm gay!' so that they'd leave me alone for good.
Thanks for the reminder about Christ and turning the cheek. Seems like this hothead needs to hear it at least once a day from elder brothers in Christ, hey?
My guess is ... and I'm only guessing wildly since I don't know these people ... is that if you tell them *that*, all the more they'll intensify their efforts to pair you up with a guy, and perhaps even hire an exorcist to drive out the evil spirits that's confounding your orientation.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I was exaggerating on the last part.
But I got relatives too, and I know some relatives just make it a point of personal pride to "solve" problems which others cannot solve. Had they been acting out of genuine concern, I'd have been okay with them as individuals, notwithstanding their actions.
But that is not the case. At the end of the day, they just want to be able to boast that they taken into confidence where others failed, and they were able to help so-and-so. Playing a sotong in my younger days allowed me to make observations of relatives around me without being noticed.
Please ignore what I said if I'm off the mark. I'm just projecting my own experiences into yours.
Actually, very spot-on. I am not gay, but I am bi. If they can't accept that when I decide to 'come clean', then I'm afraid I'd just have to leave them at that. :(
ReplyDeleteWell, for what matters, you might (or might not have) read my own personal stance towards being gay or bi which I had posted in CHF quite some time ago, but if it matters to you, I thought I'll let you know here that my own understanding from the Bible is that it is not right.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, it does not change the way I see you 'cos
(1) you're not out there on a rampage and killing people (i.e., something clearly wrong), and
(2) you're not out there making a propaganda out of it and invoking His Name, and
(3) most importantly, apart from the fact that this is a very intensedly debated subject among some Christians, we are each answerable only to God, not to each other's interpretation of what God decrees.
I don't know if you take that as me accepting you or not accepting you.
From where I stand, it's just one decision of yours that I don't support - but I certainly don't want you persecuted or anything for it. As I posted in CHF, I still keep my friends who 'came out' as friends, including Christian friends.
And really, it is only homophobia *without Biblical basis* that got being gay/bi treated as a worse sin than being unequally yoked or gambling or smoking or whoring or telling white lies etc, or any of the thousands of big and little sins which "straight" Christians commit *all the time*.
Let's just say I *do* support you in continuing to be a follower of Christ, and I don't see myself as being any way better for being "straight". God knows how much I have sinned daily, some days a lot more than others.
It's not as if I haven't struggled mightily with my attraction towards girls since I was in my younger teens. For a long while I repressed it and even considered myself 'straight'. Finally I realised that this attraction to girls on a level more intimate than mere friendship was not something I could hide or repress any longer. I simply cannot deny it and why should I? I am not less of a human being, or diseased, simply because I can love someone of the same sex as deeply as one can love another of the opposite sex.
ReplyDeleteI did rail against God because after all, He created me. He knows my needs and desires like no other - yes, even my sexual needs and orientation. I cannot accept that He created me thus, and yet there are followers of His who would persecute and ostracise me because I like girls.
That said, I love Toni and I will not tolerate any persecution or attacks of our relationship. If people cannot accept us the way we are, then perhaps both parties are better off without each other.
It is good to know, however, that you, Yun, Sally and Regina are not the kind of Christians who would automatically shun me because I am bi. ;)
As Yun says, God understands my love for Tabitha, and now Toni. I hold to that, and firmly.
Exactly. He created you. You are ultimately, also His responsibility.
ReplyDeleteNo matter whether your feelings come from Man or come from God, I truly believe He will not abandon you and leave you to suffer in misery.
Remember the story of the "Footprints in the sand"?
In this life, it is we who could choose to leave Him, He will not leave us.
Of course! God is my Heavenly Father, my Abba, He will not leave or abandon me even if my earthly kin shun me. That thought alone is comfort enough. With Abba, I can face anything!
ReplyDelete"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". ;)
Hey, I am the oldest son and oldest grandson on the paternal side. And I am on the other side of 30. ;-)
ReplyDeleteNo societal pressures here. Anyway, Mok, base on my very limited experience with your parents I think your parents are certainly a little more.. formidable than my family. My family are like lambs.
Honestly, we need to take this in the right perspective. *I* am the eldest son, *I* am the eldest grandson. Technically I am head of the family of my generation, so all the old coddles better listen to what I have to say. ;-)
My Grandfather (when he was alive) used to harp about how I had a piece of land in China. Base on my calculations with the land being parceled out among my cousins over the years, I have still about a metre square that I can lay claim to. I plan on planting some turnips.
lol! Ur, cant help it, its your last sentence.. u mean planting turnips only takes about a metre meh? hahaha!
ReplyDeletebtw, I am the eldest too...
Same here. I'm the eldest son of the eldest son of the eldest son.
ReplyDeleteSee lah!! We are all the eldest here...haiz, what a responsibility neh?
ReplyDeleteDamn, why do you have to be so perceptive?
ReplyDeletePlanting turnips is the only appropriate response I can think. You have no idea how often my dear departed Grandfather talked about the land! :-D
ReplyDeleteAs a kid I used to read this Ladybird series book about The Enormous Turnip. Turnip soup anyone?
oh i love green and white turnip soup.
ReplyDeleteu cook or boil it with carrot and dried oysters and some meat or bones for 3 hours at least... yummy!
soup........ yum yum!
ReplyDeleteguess what? i bought my very own thermal pot at carrefour last saturday! :-)
ReplyDeletenext time when we have a chance to gather again, i will cook something nice and this pot can keep it piping hot! Could even be a dessert!
oops! sorry folks, off-topic again...
ummm how about feeding the poor souls on Sunday morning of 8th October? Nah... just teasing... in any case, feel free to come over early morning of Sunday.
ReplyDeleteno moon on sunday morning...
ReplyDelete:(
:( :( :( :( :(
ReplyDeleteoh what heart break... what pain that the moon that giveth light should hide her face from us.... oh come back, come back quickly the silvery beauty, we longeth for your warmth and joy that you bring.
ReplyDeleteBack to the topic, personally, I wouldn't mind trying out different outfits for bridegrooms. Being kind of a dandy myself, I enjoy dressing up in nice clothes, see myself in the mirror, mix and matching different jackets, shirts, vests, cravats, cufflinks, studs etc., to see the different effects and decide which suit me.
ReplyDeleteOf course, for a guy, a bridegroom's outfit can also easily be modified as a formal wear, so we got a lot more opportunities there.
I don't like the traditional tie, preferring either cravats, or bowties with a tuxedo. Asian collars (Indian or Mandarin) are nice too. And also prefer the older style of 2 button jackets compared to 3 button jackets (too business-like).
From this perspective, I readily empathise with women who like to try wedding gowns just for the fun of it.
The climate is a factor, but most Singaporean guys just don't take the effort to dress well to attend weddings. My tailor told me that most of his clients were doctors and lawyers - apparently, these are the profession who got more social events allowing formal wear. Even businessmen' events tend to be more businesswear rather than evening wear.